Faith Lost and Rediscovered

This thread follows Lewis from childhood religious belief through apostasy and eventual surrender to God and Christianity.

increasingBearing stren­gth in each eventdecreasing

Belief Without Intensity

Belief Without Intensity Inherited Practice Lewis was taught prayers, taken to church, and accepted religious instruction without much personal interest. His home life was not the strict Puritan environment later readers sometimes imagined. A Dormant Beginning Religion initially remained part of routine rather than a vivid encounter. This quiet beginning made the later seriousness of his school-age faith a distinct change.

Awakening at Belsen

Awakening at Belsen Christian Teaching In the school's Anglo-Catholic church, Lewis heard Christian doctrine taught by people who appeared to believe it. Ritual initially alienated him, but the convictions behind it made his inherited faith real. Prayer and Conscience He began praying seriously, reading the Bible, and attempting obedience. Fear of damnation formed part of this awakening, especially during moonlit nights in the dormitory.

The Burden of Prayer

The Burden of Prayer Scrupulous Repetition Lewis worried that he had not concentrated properly during prayer and repeatedly tried to produce vivid inner realizations. Each attempt created fresh doubt about whether the previous attempt had been sincere. Faith Becomes Unbearable The practice turned prayer into a nightly ordeal. His desire to escape this burden prepared him to welcome ideas that loosened his religious commitments.

Apostasy at Chartres

Apostasy at Chartres New Explanations Occult speculation introduced Lewis to the possibility of unseen worlds, while classical studies presented pagan religion as a natural human error. He struggled to see why Christianity should be treated as uniquely true. Relief in Rejection Pessimism, resentment of authority, and the burden of prayer reinforced one another. Lewis gradually abandoned Christianity with little sense of loss and considerable relief.

Surrender and Incarnation

Surrender and Incarnation Theism Accepted After years of intellectual resistance, Lewis admitted that God was God and knelt in prayer at Magdalen. The surrender felt reluctant, but it ended his attempt to preserve a private territory beyond divine claim. Christianity Recognized His move to Christian belief followed as he considered the Gospels' historical character and their relation to earlier religious longings. On the journey to the zoo, belief in Christ became real to him.

Early childhood before 1908

1908 to 1910 at Belsen

Early years at Chartres after Belsen

1911 to 1913 at Chartres

Trinity Term 1929 and the following journey to Whipsnade